Shortly after I was ordained, now more than thirty-three years ago, I was invited to a home where I celebrated the last rites with a wonderful parishioner who was almost 100 years old. Now to protect the innocent, I will change the names of those involved (I have just always wanted to say that).
This parishioner, whom I will call Hilda, was almost 100 years old and had lived a wonderful life. She had thirteen children and all of them had grown up and were healthy with their own families. Because they had all grown up and had their own families, she also had innumerable grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Many of these children and grandchildren had located in the neighbourhood and were also parishioners. Because Hilda’s family all lived in Toronto, many of them nearby, although her husband had died fifteen years earlier after more than 60 years of marriage, she always had family to look after her. Her children and grandchildren were always coming and going from her home; doing her shopping and bringing her to church. It was because of the care of her family that she was able to stay in her home until the end.
When I was called to Hilda’s home to celebrate the last rites with her, the entire family had gathered in the home. The house was full of her relatives and she was surrounded by her loved ones. Knowing that they were all around her, she was entirely at peace when she died. She had the opportunity to tell them that she loved them and they all told her how much they loved her. As she was dying, I spoke to her about the fact that we were gathered in her home as the Church on earth to surround her with love, and soon she would be in the Church in Heaven, also surrounded by love. Her death has stayed with me all these years because to me it was a perfect and happy death.
Because I could not imagine a happier death, I was surprised when shortly after I noticed that one of her grandchildren, Jonathan, who had been a regular at church, stopped attending Mass. At first, I did not think anything about it. However, after a few weeks I asked what had happened to this young person who had been so active and a member of the youth group that I led at that parish. I was told that Jonathan had taken the death of his grandmother very badly. His parents told me that he could not accept that God would let someone like his grandmother die. In fact, I never saw Jonathan in church again. It turned out that he had decided that if God would let someone like his grandmother die, he decided that he hated God and did not want to have anything to do with Him.
In our Gospel this Sunday, we are told that those who do not hate their mother, father, sister or brother—and even one’s own life—cannot be disciples of Christ. Now, how does that make sense when the same Jesus has given the great commandment to love the Lord with all our heart, mind and soul and neighbour as self. How can we keep the commandment to love, if we are also commanded to hate?
I think the story that I told about Hilda is an explanation for what we hear in the Gospel this Sunday. We are all of us pilgrims and everything in this life is passing. Unless we see everything and everyone as a gift, we will get stuck and attached to things and people in a way that will not allow us to follow Jesus where He wishes to lead us. If I love someone, or something, so much that the loss of it turns me against God, then it has become an obstacle for me being a disciple of Jesus. The same is true if I will do anything to obtain the possession of something or someone. If a person is willing to give up his or her faith to obtain something or someone, Jesus is telling us today that person cannot be a disciple. In fact, Jesus tells us in the Gospel today, if you want to follow me and be my disciple, count the cost and make sure you are prepared.
Put in the simplest terms, Jesus invites us to follow Him through this life to the Kingdom of Heaven. He also calls those whom we love to go to Heaven. In order to go to Heaven, we must leave our possessions and loved ones behind. In order for our loved ones to go to Heaven, they too must leave us and their possessions behind. If we want to be disciples of Jesus, it is important that we know this and keep it in mind. It should not be a surprise to us that someday we are going to leave here and everything we possess and everyone we know. That is also the case for the people we know. When a loved one dies, when we get ill, or when we have to give up certain possessions, we should have a kind of spiritual preparation to strengthen us. One of the best preparations is our regular participation in the Sunday Eucharist, where we celebrate Christ’s resurrection and are in communion with the saints in Heaven and Christ at the Heavenly banquet.
The fact that we need to be prepared for the cost of discipleship is something that Jesus indicates when he speaks about stopping to figure out if we can afford to build a tower before we dig a hole for a foundation, or a king taking the time to consider whether he has the troops to win a war. If we are to be disciples, we are invited to ask ourselves if we understand what we are being called to and whether we have the resources and conviction to follow. If we do not understand Christianity is an invitation to love with Christ in this life in order that we might be with Him in Heaven, we might become disillusioned or scandalized when we, or those we love, are called to go to Heaven. The danger is that we could spend years going to church and then be surprised when we are invited to the big CHURCH in the sky.
There is a kind of Christianity that follows what is known as the “gospel of prosperity.” This is a false religion that thinks that if we are good, we will always be blessed and have no problems. Those who follow it turn away from Christ as soon as they experience difficulty and have the cross introduced into their lives. When Jesus says: “Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple,” we should know that although He promises to be with us through our struggles; He does not promise us a life without struggles. I recently read a book by an Anglican priest named Trish Warren. She states that Christians must decide if they believe God is good and loving and stick with it. We cannot change our belief based on whether or not we know prosperity in this life. That would lead to what is known as fair-weather Christianity.
In Jesuit, or Ignatian spirituality, there is something called the “Principle and Foundation.” It basically summarizes today’s Gospel by stating we should know what is the purpose of our faith and how we can obtain the end that it promises. It can be summarized like this: “God created humans to praise, reverence and serve Him, which leads to salvation. Everything else in the world—including people, nature, and material things—is made to help us achieve this ultimate goal. Therefore, we should use these created things as long as they help us move closer to God, but must be ready to let them go if they become an obstacle to our divine purpose.” Or to simplify to the extreme: If we want to go to Heaven, and want our loved ones to go, do we understand the cost of that trip and what must eventually be left behind?
Last week in the homily I spoke about gratitude. As Christians, we are called to receive everything that we have from God with gratitude. That means a deep invitation to love all things in relationship to God. The command to love God and neighbour demands that we be a people in relationship. However, the Christian must live in right relationship. To be a disciple on the way to Heaven means that everything must be loved in and through our relationship with God. It is this kind of loving which introduces the cross into our lives. The pain that we experience in loving and receiving the gifts of life introduces loss and transition into our lives. It is through this loving and letting go that the cross comes into our lives. However, as Christians, the cross always leads to resurrection. I hope to say more about this next week when we will celebrate the Solemnity of the Triumph of the Cross. We are not to suffer because suffering is good. We suffer because God’s gifts are good and none of them can be possessed permanently. The only thing that is forever is God and His love for us. Disciples must be aware of this. It is the cost that Jesus asks us to consider as we set out to follow Him.
Now just before concluding, I would like to say something about another kind of false Christianity that this Gospel might encourage. One way that this Gospel is also interpreted is one that leads to a type of Christian stoicism. Christian stoics are often people who have been hurt by loss or betrayal. In order not to be hurt again, such people turn to Jesus and never allow themselves to be attached to anyone again, so that they will never be hurt again. That is not Christianity. Jesus invites us to love and form attachments with people on our journeys. He founded the Church as a community and sent the disciples out two by two because human relationships are so important for the human person and his/her salvation. In the Book of Genesis, God creates the human person for relationship as He and the members of the Holy Trinity are in loving relationship. The Christian must be a person in loving, caring and dynamic relationship to be healthy. These relationships only become obstacles to discipleship when they become more important than our relationship with God or stand in the way of our following Christ. We must hear today’s Gospel within the context of the great and lifegiving commandments: You must love the Lord your God above all things and your neighbour as yourself. The Christian is not to hate, but to love deeply. Only those relationships which prevent us from being disciples are to be put aside. Those that assist our salvation and the salvation of others are to be embraced as lifegiving.
If I want to go to Montreal, I need to head east and have a full tank of gas. I can’t get there by driving toward Winnipeg on an empty tank. Jesus reminds us this Sunday where we are called to go and the cost of getting there.
May we all arrive at our destiny safely.
Fr. Michael McGourty
Pastor, St. Peter’s Church—Toronto, Ontario
This reflection based on the readings for the Twenty-third Sunday in Ordinary Time—Year C: Wisdom 9: 13-18; Psalm 90; Philemon 9-10, 12-17; and Luke 14:25-33.
